I can get through this!...right?

I know that God says he will not give us more than we can handle. That being said, I must have some kind of inner strength that I'm not even aware of. Never mind that last Monday while I was at a Vote Yes on Prop. 8 rally, our group was flipped off, swore at and had garbage tossed at us. Actually THAT part was kind of funny because the girl who threw the garbage out her car window, lost control of her car and hit the curb bending her rim and blowing out her tire. One of the guys in our group went over to see if she was alright and though she didn't apologize for throwing trash, her attitude went from anger to that of being humble in the time of about a minute. In fact, we had many more people give us a thumbs up sign of approval than we middle fingers of non-approval. Still, I can handle people yelling junk at me when I know in my heart that what I'm doing is right. I don't even know them, so who cares! Where I have about reached my limit is in my personal life. I think everyone is aware of Richard and how challenging he can be. 2 Sundays ago, I was sitting in my bathroom sobbing uncontrollably. Scott asked me if there was anything he could do. I said, "How about you turn the clock back 16 years!" Don't get me wrong, I would still have married Scott and had our children. But I would have been a tyrant when it came to getting Richard the proper diagnosis earlier than he did. I knew by the time he was 9 months old that something was not right and was brushed off by his pediatrician. I brought my concerns to the doctor again when he was 14 months old and was assured that he was just fine. I didn't know anything about autism at that point. All I knew about it is that my cousin was autistic and severely mentally retarded and I knew that Richard was not like my cousin. When your child will not hold eye contact with you. When your child starts screaming at a high pitch and YOU can't figure out why. When the only play your child engages in is lining items up in a straight line according to size. When the only time your child uses words is when he/she repeats what you said. THAT is NOT FINE. I don't care what the doctor says. I diagnosed Richard myself as autistic by the time he was 4 years old. It took the specialists until he was 7 years old to diagnose him as A-typical autistic with Asperger like symptoms. By then he had already gone through a year of special pre-k and was mainstreamed into 1st grade with a very weak IEP (individualized education plan). In hindsight he should have been in a restricted school setting with intensive therapy. I remember taking Richard to his first back to school night and hearing a girl say to her mom as she pointed in our direction, "That's the BAD kid. He yells all the time." My heart broke. By the time Richard was about 8 years old, he could tell me things that were happening at school. How the boys would follow him into the bathroom and bang on the stall doors and yell at him "Hey Richard!! What's the matter?!! Does THIS bother you?!!", to hear him scream and cry. We also found out why he was coming home with bruises on his back. This was because the boys would form a semi-circle around him by the fence. Then push him to the ground and kick him because they thought they could get away with it. They did until I finally got out of Richard what was going on and demanded that the school staff watch him on the playground to see what was going on. It took Scott and I until he got an official, clinical diagnosis to light a fire under us in getting Richard the resources he needed and was entitled to through the school district. By the way, if you have an autistic child and live in Las Vegas, NV? MOVE!! California is better than NV, but I highly recommend New Hampshire where we lived for 2 1/2 years and long to go back to more than words can tell. Even though we got a late start in getting Richard the attention he needed. I feel like we've tried our best to make up for it. The thing now is this; Richard is now an autistic with asperger like symptoms, is bipolar AND a teenager. This combination is making life very hard for he and our entire family. The past two weeks have been especially difficult. Richards' impulse control has been zero and his anger/rage has been at plus 10! He has been getting into fights at school and taking off without a word to anyone. The other day he was missing for nearly an hour and a half. His doctor has added another medication to take with the one he is already on and said that we should see some kind of change(hopefully for the better) after 3 or 4 days. He had his first dose on Thursday night. Scott worked from home on Friday so that we could keep Richard home. He had gotten into another fight the day before and was told that if he put his hands on another student once more that he would be suspended. The kids don't have school on Monday so that will give him 5 days for the new medication to work before he heads back to school. I realize that many of my friends read my blog. I would ask you not to tell Richard that you read about him and to use discretion when talking to your kids, etc... I have the best friends and family that anyone could ask for. At this time, I'm asking "You" my friends and family to mention Richard in your prayers and I will continue to pray for Richard and for the inner strength I apparently have somewhere deep inside to manifest itself to get me through this and to keep going. Oh yeah, and Vote Yes on Prop. 8!!